i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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