Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
