I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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