I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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