Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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