I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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