My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
