No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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