After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
