I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
