I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
