What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
