Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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