Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
