For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
