My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
