I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
