After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
