the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
