Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
