...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
