OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
