i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
