NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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