Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
