I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
