frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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