let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
