she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
