Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
