dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
