this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
