i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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