Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
