I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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