Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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