oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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