and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
