Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
50% drunk capacity currently
Randomize
