Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
