I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
