our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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