How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
