I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
