I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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