Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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