I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
