i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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