in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
