is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have tasted many bathrooms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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