I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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