Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
