What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she peed on how many people?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
