I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
